time flies

And I realized all over again how fast time flies……………..

It was a routine party in the officer’s mess. I entered the mess and made myself comfortable next to an officer’s wife and her four-month-old daughter.
The baby was as sweet as ever–smiling, pulling on her bib, looking around the room with wide eyes. When she started to get a little restless, I offered to take her and walk her around so the mom could relax and listen to the guest speaker. It had been a while since I’d held a little one like that. I’d forgotten how tiny hands and feet can be. And I realized all over again how fast time flies…It seems like just yesterday my fifteen-year-old was a baby too. I remember marveling at each new thing he did–his first smiles, the first words, his first steps. I remember the nights I’d rock him to sleep, singing and praying, with tears in my eyes from the gratefulness I felt. I remember feeling scared, hoping I’d be a good mother. There were questions and uncertainties and “the ifs” that I worried about. There were temper tantrums and sleepless nights and days I thought I’d never get a minute to myself. When you have kids, everyone always tells you to enjoy each moment because time flies. And even though it sounds cliché’, the more time that passes, the more I realize it’s true. Life is not a perfect plan where everything happens as desired. When we become parents, we realize that life is much more than a well-set schedule. We must give up the illusion of total control to understand that living one day at a time may be exciting and fulfilling enough. Embracing parenthood is to understand that when love becomes life, we’ll never again be the same, and we’ll never again think of ourselves as individuals first. Your child always becomes the first priority of your life! your life becomes a pleasurable fulfillment with all the wonderful joys derived from parenting!

I had my moments of feeling frustrated or overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood, the exhaustion from a toddler constantly tugging at my legs!
Kids grow up, and their demands change, but so do the golden heart filling moments of holding them in your arms and rocking them to sleep, of seeing them take their first steps, of hearing them say, “Mama” for the first time.

Time flies very fast. I remember a day, a few months back when the only channels we watched were cartoon network, Disney and all kids channels. then as my son grew up he stopped watching these and he indulged in to national geographic, history channel, discovery science etc and so these are the officially accepted channels of me and my husband too! Our lives revolve so much around his routine his likes and dislikes, that his likes are our likes and dislikes are ours too! Our timetable and routine is full of the things he has to do! Now I rely on to him for advice and help, when it comes to the computers or dealing things which need logic and analysis, solving crucial matters etc. Whenever I look at his face when he is asleep I remember all the beautiful days gone, his innocent mischief and all the lovely chatter! Things have changed a bit, he doesn’t run behind me hugging and clinging to me, but I know he is my same little boy who still looks towards me with the same innocent eyes with fright on stormy nights, growls and turns into an angry bird when hungry! I don’t think I can love anything more than I love my little boy!
My heart tore just a little a few days back, as I pulled out clothes that were too small and gathered up some special shirts I wanted to save as memories. I look forward to what the future will produce, but if I could go back in time to when he was small I think I would like the opportunity, at least for a little while.
I make it a point now a days to grab an opportunity of hugging my tall boy making the most of the time with him, cherish those miraculously healing moments. Time always seems to move faster than we want it to, especially when it comes to our kids. I remember his kindergarten days, the middle school and now the last stage of high school. All these days went past my eyes so quickly! I think I didn’t make enough of his childhood, with my job and responsibilities I couldn’t enjoy all the moments to the fullest! So I have decided to never pass up a chance to snuggle with my son, read a book, make a discovery in the yard or just watch the clouds roll by after rain showers. And savor every moment as I know time is once again going to fly…….

My little boy……
“No amount of gold could ever compare to the gift of love that my son shares.
I always knew that all the love I’ve wanted is right here in front of me.
He gives me reason to get through another day.
Maybe it’s how he loves me in his special little way.
And when it gets hard for me to sleep at night….
He wraps his little arms around me and says God will make things right!
From sweet gentle touches to his bear hugs and a kiss…
He makes this hell on earth seem more like a peaceful bliss.
That great big kool-aid smile and the twinkle in his eyes….
Every time I look at him it makes me want to cry.
But they’re not tears of sorrow; they’re tears of pride and joy….
To know that all the love in heaven is wrapped around my little boy”

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LOVE THYSELF AND CREATE A ME-TIME FOR YOURSELF!

I learnt this a very hard way, but yes it’s important to love thyself. Some things may be equally essential but nothing is more important than a healthy sense of self-esteem and loving yourself. It makes life easier, simpler and lighter. We develop more inner stability and self-sabotage less which makes one happier!
I and my wonderful gang of bindaas girls enjoy the most tantalizing part of our routine, which is our me-time…….”the heavenly evening walkathon clubbed with laughathon followed by a thrilling sporty game of badminton”. We crave for this lovely time in the evenings and wait for the clock to tick 5 pm. The central park amidst our officer’s enclave is usually our meeting place. We greet and meet each other every day with tons of bubbling enthusiasm, screams and clapping each other’s backs hugging and yelling each other’s names in happy tones, it’s a crazy and amusing moment! A third person watching us might feel as if we are seeing each other after so many years! The credit of maintaining that newness, freshness and crispiness in our relation go’s to each of us; we never ever indulge in womanly bitching and hurting each other. It’s an unspoken rule that the topics we share and chatter will be general and nothing personal should be discussed lest somebody needs a helping hand with some problem! Our happy trysts bring life in the otherwise dull corner of the park!
It is said that a woman can be woman’s best friend! That’s very true indeed! Our hearts throb in a similar way, our thought processes, our concerns, our problems, the causes of our happiness, our outlook everything is almost similar. Hence we can relate to each other’s lives and experiences and can definitely influences each other positively in crucial times and in general and thus help each other survive and succeed! We call these evenings walk, laugh and talk evenings! That is the time of the day when we keep our minds free of any baggage or stress. We enjoy our nonchalant chat and lengthy but healthy gossips a lot! Our verbal bouts of expressiveness leads to a soothing chaos but it goes well synchronized with the tweeting and chirping and chattering of birds who are drifting to their nests before sunset! Generally the walking session is followed by a small game of badminton in the officer’s mess and a bit of workout in the gym! Each part of the evening becomes interesting due to the flavor of humor and the hilarious, spicy and crazy topics! The exciting and action-packed affair ends with a steaming coffee or lemon water in the mess. The most dreadful time is seeing off each other and that is equally heartwarming! We bid an adieu to each other with the same enthusiasm and laughter promising to meet at the same spot for the most awaited “me time”! The seeing off sometimes gets delayed for 15-20 minutes as some of us have some pending important gossip/topic to be concluded! Finally we take-off towards our homes taking the familiar turns and twists! The moment we enter our abode we are greeted by the lovely longing faces of husband and kids! And it is the time for getting into action being a mother and a caring wife giving you to their demands, satisfying their queries, sharing joys and sorrows and many more….! But believe me I feel happy doing my bit of responsibilities after this me-time; I can make my children and my family more happy!
We are definitely a bunch of fabulous women complimenting each other’s psychological needs effectively! I am blessed to have such a wonderful company; it leaves a shadow of happiness and bliss in my mind! Boosts my positive energy and helps unclog my minds off negativity and bad baggage!! That one hour I spend with my friends is a quintessential part of my life! It is an hour filled with fun and happiness as we get together. It‘s less of an exercise more of thrill and it is interactive and recreational part of our routine.
Earlier when I got posted to this place I used to be a passive nonchalant walker and used to walk alone for miles, but then I noticed that even though I walk a lot, the dreadful fatigue accompanies me back home! Then I decided to take an overview of the situation and found out that whether it’s an evening walk or any kind of exercise it should not be a mechanical one or a monopolized one. So I called up a few friends of mine, who would be usually glued to the TV set in the evenings and asked them to meet at the corner of the park and that turned out to be the beginning of our wonderful me-time kitty, our first day of walk, talk and laugh. And seriously we all loved the session so much that we have been continuously doing it since then almost without a break! We dread to miss it if at all we have to! We middle aged women in forties who are about to cross the half century need something else with exercise, we need to talk our minds out and share our thoughts with somebody. So instead of only exercise, if we add something remedial or healing to it, or philosophize it in a right manner, the exercise might turn more effective and the after effects would be long-lasting. We should all do things we find peace happiness and serenity in! One doesn’t need to indulge into special classes or meditation camps etc for rejuvenation and recreation and achieving tranquility of mind. We can relive and revive our inner self by just spending time in fresh air with the people who make you happy and give you positive vibes and make our lives more resourceful! I found this treasure trove of—“walk-talk-laugh and take-in maximum O2 with good people” and I will continue this wherever I go and imbibe it as a part of my daily culture!

I call this as a spiritual perspective. A self nurturing and reviving mode. We are worthy of that “me” time. It so happens that our life becomes monotonous and tedious due to the hurries and worries! We need to take out that special time for ourselves. Otherwise our mind and body become clogged with various virtual toxics, stresses and anxieties. We as mothers, wives and professionals cannot run away from our duties and responsibilities. We need not take refuge of philosophy and religion to boost our morale and performance, to get relieved from daily life stresses and strains. It’s important that one should not allow negative toxic venomous things accumulate in our body and mind! It is important to detoxicate our minds and bodies, heart and soul on a day to day basis. And each one has to try and find out or chalk out a stress busting program which suits ones taste. Some can find solitude in writing, reading listening to music etc. But if the me-time is laced with some exercise it turns out to be more healing and useful, and if you involve a bunch of good people, it turns out to be mind blowing, as you get to interact and react with each other! The brilliant time spent for ourselves helps improve our ability and makes us more efficient for serving and satisfying our duties to the fullest and to perfection! When body and mind move together, in a rhythm of perfect bliss and happiness with some physical activity, we often experience a sense of wholeness that is not common in everyday life. In that wholeness we can feel an overall sense of healthy well-being that restores energy and life. It helps to clear away the distraction of mind chatter and to-do lists. Some people clear the chatter with prayer, sitting meditation, chanting, or dance. For me, active, walking, laughing and taking in fresh air has been an effective way to restore wholeness of body, mind and spirit I am delighted and amazed at how it resonates with my philosophy and experiences!

Every one of us, all beautiful and strong, have been through tough time. So Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out. I don’t consider myself a feminist, but I’m down for my first opportunity to say something to the world to be so meaningful. If you asked me, ‘What do you want to say?’ it would be, ‘Love yourself more and do take out that me-time every day, you deserve it!’.

love thy self!

I and my wonderful gang of bindaas girls enjoy the most tantalizing part of our routine, which is our heavenly evening walkathon clubbed with laughathon followed by a thrilling sporty game of badminton.  We crave for this lovely time in the evenings and wait for the clock to tick 5 pm. The central park amidst our officer’s enclave is usually our meeting place. We greet and meet each other every day with tons of bubbling enthusiasm, screams and clapping each other’s backs hugging and yelling each other’s names in high pitches, it’s a crazy and amusing moment!  A third person watching us might feel as if we are seeing each other after so many years! The credit of maintaining that newness, freshness and crispiness in our relation goes to each of us, we never ever indulge womanly bitching and hurting each other. It’s an unspoken rule that the topics we share will be general and nothing personal should be discussed lest somebody needs a helping hand with some problem!  Our happy trysts bring life in the otherwise dull corner of the park!

It is said that a woman can be woman’s best friend! That’s very true indeed!  Our hearts throb in a similar way, our thought processes, our concerns, our problems, the causes of our happiness, our outlook everything is almost similar. Hence we can relate to each other’s lives and experiences and can definitely influences each other positively in crucial times and in general and thus help each other survive and succeed!  We call these evenings walk, laugh and talk evenings! That is the time of the day when we keep our minds free of any baggage or stress. We enjoy our nonchalant chat and lengthy but healthy gossips a lot!  Our verbal bouts of expressiveness leads to a soothing chaos but it goes well synchronized with the tweeting and chirping and chattering of birds who are drifting to their nests before sunset! Generally the walking session is followed by a small game of badminton in the officer’s mess and a bit of workout in the gym! Each part of the evening becomes interesting due to the flavor of humor and the hilarious, spicy and crazy topics!  The exciting and action-packed affair ends with a steaming coffee or lemon water in the mess.  The most dreadful time is seeing off each other and that is equally heartwarming! We bid an adieu to each other with the same enthusiasm and laughter promising to meet at the same spot for the most awaited “me time”! The seeing off sometimes gets delayed for 15-20 minutes as some of us have some pending important gossip/topic to be concluded! Finally we take-off towards our homes taking the familiar turns and twists! The moment we enter our abode we are greeted by the lovely longing faces of husband and kids! And it is the time for getting into action being a mother and a caring wife giving you to their demands, satisfying their queries, sharing joys and sorrows and many more….

We r definitely a bunch of fabulous women and compliment each other’s psychological needs effectively!  I am blessed to have such a wonderful company; it leaves a shadow of happiness and bliss in my mind!  Boosts my positive energy and helps unclog my minds off negativity and bad baggage!! That one hour I spend with my friends is a quintessential part of my life! It is an hour filled with fun and happiness as we get together. It‘s less of an exercise more of thrill and it is interactive and recreational part of our routine.

Earlier when I got posted to this place I used to be a passive nonchalant walker and used to walk alone for miles, but then I noticed that even though I walk a lot, dreadful fatigue accompanies me back home!  Then I decided to take an overview of the situation and found out that whether it’s an evening walk or any kind of exercise it should not be a mechanical one or a monopolized one. So I called up a few friends of mine, who would be usually glued to the TV set in the evenings and asked them to meet at the corner of the park that was our first day of walk, talk and laugh. And seriously we all loved the session so much that we have been continuously doing it since then!  We have renamed it as my “me time” and we never miss it!  We middle aged women in forties who are about to cross the half century need something else with exercise, we need to talk our minds out and share our thoughts with somebody.  So instead of only exercise, if we add something remedial or healing to it, or philosophize it, the exercise might turn more effective and the after effects would be long-lasting.   We should all do things we find peace happiness and serenity in!  One doesn’t need to indulge into special classes or meditation camps etc for rejuvenation and recreation and achieving tranquility of mind. We can relive and revive our inner self by just spending time in fresh air with the people who make you happy and give you positive vibes and make our lives more resourceful! I found this treasure trove of—“walk-talk-laugh and take-in maximum O2 with good people” and I will continue this wherever I go and imbibe it as a part of my daily culture!

I call this as a spiritual perspective. We are worthy of that “me” time. It so happens that our life becomes monotonous and tedious due to the hurries and worries! We need to take out that special time for ourselves. Otherwise our mind and body become clogged with various virtual toxics, stresses and anxieties. We as mothers, wives and professionals cannot run away from our duties and responsibilities. We need not take refuge of philosophy and religion to boost our morale and performance, to get relieved from daily life stresses and strains. It’s important that one should not allow negative toxic venomous things accumulate in our body and mind! It is important to detoxicate our minds and bodies, heart and soul on a day to day basis. And each one has to try and find out or chalk out a stress busting  program which suits ones taste. But we can attain penance by serving and satisfying our duties to fullest and to perfection!  When body and mind move together, in the rhythm of any physical activity, we often experience a sense of wholeness that isn’t common in everyday life. In that wholeness, many people feel an overall sense of healthy well-being that restores energy.

To find that wholeness, it helps to clear away the distraction of mind chatter and to-do lists. Some people clear the chatter with prayer, sitting meditation, chanting, or dance. For me, active, walking, laughing and taking in fresh air has been an effective way to restore wholeness of body, mind and spirit; I am delighted and amazed at how it resonates with my philosophy and experiences.

.

playing favorites

Playing favorites

My motive is not being cynical, sarcastic, or skeptical. While putting forth my views I don’t mean to stereotype anybody plus I do not mean to hurt anybody’s sentiments. Please don’t misunderstand the following as a comparative case study or something.  It’s simply an eye opener or a propaganda of facts based on personal experiences of many of my colleagues and subordinates. It’s an overview of reality! While penning this down, my agenda was to generate a bit of alertness and awareness in terms of thought processes in the minds of all my friends and classmates working in India or abroad in any profession,  who take out time to read my note. I think it’s easier to change ourselves rather than struggling to change the entire system. This way if each person changes and recognizes his or her moral and ethical responsibilities and the devastating repercussions of bad actions which harm the esteem of another human being then this will be the essential renaissance which will lead to a healthy system!

“Y “had joined the organization with lots of zeal and enthusiasm on the basis of his excellence in academics as well as co curriculum. It was his dream and he accomplished it. He has a degree from one of the best and reputed government colleges.  He is a well-deserved and meritorious candidate who has proved his skills from time and again in all the sectors of life. He is a focused brilliant achiever and a hard worker since his childhood. He had a passion to be a part of the organization, and had to strive hard and take vigorous mental and physical efforts to do so, but he did it in one go! He feels pride to be a part of the organization and always keeps his duties before self.  He proudly sports and flaunts the uniform, and his family is proud of their dutiful son! He always looks forward to new learning opportunities, challenges, adventures, new ventures, and hardships that keep coming his way, and loves and does his work with utmost devotion.“Y “is not a cipher or a plebeian nor an everyman.  He is neither an affluent nor a bourgeois. He is an alert, logical, diligent, talented, meritorious, goal oriented, astute, and self-made person. His parents and relatives are working in corporate sector and hence he has no links or nexus in the organization. So for the organization he is a nobody, a common man a negligible entity!  He a does not originate from any ascendency or legacy. He always wanted to be a part of the organization and he has devoted himself in the service with lots of self sacrifice! He no more longs for any appraisal, commendations, credits and recognition for his selfless service. He has learnt it a hard way that he will never get his dues, but he knows he is worth it as he has toiled a lot and given his blood and sweat to make his pastures green and satisfied with all that he has achieved on his own! But he craves for equality and non discrimination in the establishment.

“X” is of royal origin. He is a heritage-child, a noble- born in the legacy of men in uniform. “X” is quite influential by birth and is a fortuitous soul, the apple-pie of the organization. His dad is one of the top brass echelon and has swiftly moved to the peak. “X” brags about his dads achievements and loves to misuse the perks, amenities and facilities that come with it. He likes to show off in every possible way. There couldn’t be a more eligible and deserving candidate than his son to continue his legacy in the organization. And so “X”‘s gateway in the organization was paved in the most aristocratic and smooth way.   His entry was a planned one and his survival was made easy throughout his tenures by his mentors and guardians in the organization. The organization bends and creates rules according to dear X’s needs, convenience, and liking! He is the most privileged, affluent candidate, who has to have the best prospects. His demands and comforts are attended with priority! He is the child of rule makers and breakers.  The organization is like a home pitch for the prince!  It’s his birthright to all achievements and progresses and he is the rightful heir to generous garnering of accolades, foreign postings and many more in the establishment.  He has inherited the green pastures as a patrimony! Daddy’s Happy go lucky boy!

This was just a small example there are many such x’s and y’s . There are many instances of injustice and inequality where different tools and techniques of manipulation are used.

Here y is the victim and x is the beneficiary of the most venomous practice of patriarchal nepotism.

We come across many such instances and cases in our everyday life, but we avoid talking about such heavy subjects. Due to fear, indifference and social stigma we tend to let go such incidences and deviate from them. Our increasing apathy is fertilizing, kindling, and engendering increasing malpractices like nepotism, cronyism, favoritism, in-group bias, oligarchy, and kleptocracy, patriarchy and hierarchy etc in this organization.  Our ignorance and indifference is slowly aborting the meritocracy and democracy in the system! That’s the biggest blunder; we should clean this filthiness off the organization, and create a blissful and friendly environment for the future generations. It is our moral responsibility to stop and curb all wrongful practices that don’t allow the growth of talent and merit.  We need to have a pragmatic and empathetic approach while dealing with issues involving the above mentioned malpractices and methods. Such negative conditioning leads to emotional abuse, and erosion of identity. These malpractices are proving detrimental to the reputation of professionals and organizations. The favors-system is deeply embedded in our culture and we need to uproot it before it spreads it roots everywhere.  Such malpractices are not only illegal especially in government establishments but they are the cause of conflicts and mutiny. We should lead by example by imbibing the organizations core values and bringing them to the fore and being ambassadors to preach the same message through actions to our subordinates. The matter of trust and integrity should be stirred and revitalized time and again with rightful actions and then only such malpractices can be curbed.  The top brass officials are vested with the responsibility of welfare and well being of all the people who are a part of the organization which will definitely improve the productivity and develop an affirmative working environment that encourages and motivates them. This goal is hard to reach if nepotism and favoritism is being practiced, and especially if it goes unchecked. Therefore it is imperative to curb and expose these instances at its outset. A n transparent system is the necessity of the time. Clearly delineated policies and steadfast commitment to ethics from senior to junior may definitely help us get rid of such deadly practices! Each and every person should be instrumental in curbing and demolishing such methods, and we should from time to time try and spread awareness amongst our fellow subordinates about the legal perspectives of such manipulations.

The basis of an establishment is its men. But slowly and steadfastly people are losing faith in meritocracy and excellence in service.  We are proud of the heritage of the organization and it has been a tremendous honor to serve the country. It’s worthwhile and fortunate to have a career as a soldier and a blessing to be a part of this wonderful organization.  But there needs to be a constant replenishing of source of duty, dedication and valor. The organization now has changed in terms of attitudes, weaponry, knowledge, and nature of warfare, but what should not change is the morale of the man behind the gun! We don’t need to be whistleblowers, we need to carry guiding lights in terms of alertness and awareness, keep our conscience clear by maintaining our ethics and integrity and create a sense of zero-tolerance towards such malpractices in the system.

The government also needs to induce new laws and a judiciary system needs to be set up, heavy penalties should be issued to the guilty for such unethical offenses. They need to open up special grievances cells where cases of ethical violation can be put up. The govt needs to keep tracks of matters pertaining to the above mentioned malpractices and take stringent action against such people. This will definitely help motivating and maintaining the meritocracy in the system and develop a positive psyche in the common. Remember a single unethical act puts into motion a chain of events with drastic consequences.  Let us not be victims of manipulative tools and techniques  by some cold blooded unethical people with bad conscience.